Inside the Jewel

Hey have we showed you the inside of the ship yet? No?! What the crap! Let's fix that with some intra-ship photography.

This is the ship, in case you forgot what it looked like from the other posts.

Deck 12. Two pools, one for kids and one for adults. The kids pool is the one with the water slide, so I think they clearly win the "Who Has a Better Pool" contest. There are 5 hot tubs, two attached to the kids pool, two attached to the adult pool and one in a secret corner for very tiny baby children. Kids are bananas for hot tubs. This is a fact.

Deck 7, where you can circle the ship on the walkway. This encircles the karaoke bar, the second floor of the theatre, the atrium/lobby, the Galleria Gift Shop/Duty Free Store, internet cafe and, Art Auction Gallery and Photo Gallery. That means inside you can sing a song, see a show, chill, buy jewelry/cigarettes, check your e-mail, bid on art and find the pictures of your family from when you boarded the ship. Again, that's on the inside. On the outside, you walk and play shuffleboard.

The Garden Cafe. Also Deck 12, this is the buffet dining room. They have, I'm guessing conservatively, 900 different types of food, and all the coffee you can drink. I spend a lot of time here, then stand outside the gym and cry. It's a good workout.

Bar City, Deck 6. Home of three different bars and two restaurants, Deck 6 is where you find a lot of folks at night while we're at sea, usually drinking before or after meals or shows. It's also set up as a lounge for the musicians on the ship. We have two pianists, Nathaniel and Fabrizio, a guitar trio called Los Amigos and a solo guitar player named Angel. I may sound biased as a fellow entertainer, but they are all dumb-stupid talented. Nathaniel and Fabrizio know, conservatively, 7,000 songs. Los Amigos has a guitarist that can solo during a Pink Floyd song with a highball glass and Angel, on top of also knowing 7,00 songs, even played the theme to Super Mario Bros. on his guitar for us, because he knows our cast is a bag of nerds. I personally celebrated this feat of musicianship like he hit a walk-off home run in the playoffs, which I think was more frightening then flattering. Everyone else agreed.

The Backyard.

The ship at sunset in Nassau.

More pics of the inside of the Jewel coming soon.

New York

That's right, suckas. The Big Tomato itself. Cue Frank Sinatra.

Come on! It's the Statue of Mother-Trucking Liberty. If you aren't thrilled seeing this up close, you are a soulless robot or android, sent from the future to study mankind to bring about our downfall. Or just a dick. One of the two. Anyway, there she is, and she greets us every time we pull into New York.

We sail past the southern tip of Manhattan, up the Hudson to Pier 88 on 48th and 12th. We're actually right next to the Intrepid, so when we sail in at 7 AM, you're kind of overwhelmed by the combination of all the sights.

This is the view from our cabin on deck four.

Ellis Island, with the Lady in the background. This is where my family from Ireland and Italy sailed into to build a better life, so that one day one of their wise-ass great-great grandkids could make dick jokes on a cruise ship. It's the American Dream.

The sights of New York are fantastic, of course, and more pictures of the Giant Apricot will be coming soon, but the real treat for me in being able to come home and visit regularly for the first time in 8 years. Below, a brief overview of some things we've seen and remembered to take pictures of.

Crumbs Cupcakes, near Times Square. If you're looking for proof of a kind and loving God, go to Crumbs and have a cupcake. Any of them. Doesn't matter. This place is amazing. If I'm ever one of those morbidly obese guys who has to have a wall knocked out of their apartment so that I can get cantilevered into a flatbed truck so I can be driven to the hospital, Crumbs Cupcakes will be the cause.

Here's Carisa holding up one of man's greatest inventions. That's right. We're regularly in one of the greatest cities in the world and I'm showing you pictures of cupcakes. It is a miracle I don't weigh 600 pounds.

Right below is favorite thing about New York:

SCIRETTAS!!! That's me, brother Sean and Mom at Broome St. Bar on Sean's 25th birthday. The group in total was the three of us, Carisa and Sean's girlfriend Amanda. Again, if you can't have a good time with that group, you're an alien who doesn't understand human emotion.

A view of Lady Liberty on our way back out to sea.

And the view of the Verrazano Bridge, as we duck under it. We're well into our regular itinerary now, which is a day at sea, Port Canaveral, Great Stirrup Cay, Nassau, then two days at sea on our way back up the east coast of the United States back to New York.

All will be revealed in the next few installments, chickies. Three cheers for New York, and watch out for robots. See you soon!

Tortola!

TORTOLA! Undisputed Heavyweight Champion of Caribbean Islands, this was my favorite stop when I was on the Pearl. Now we're back on the repo? Pfft. Come on.

Sunglasses Club is 4 deep on the way to The Baths at Virgin Gorda.

Proof that we can be on the tour. Now Indiana Jones can't throw us off the back of the zeppelin.

Catching Z's on the ferry. Halfway through they put on the Oscar-nominated classic Snow Dogs, starring actual Oscar winner Cuba Gooding, Jr. Any time you can distract from the most beautiful scenery in the world with a movie about Cuba Gooding, Jr. inheriting a team of huskies, don't wait. Throw that switch.

We also invented the Snow Dogs drinking game. Drink every time Cuba Gooding, Jr. does something a city slicker would do that is out of place in Alaska. Do a shot every time a dog does something cute and human-like. Prepare to be hospitalized.

We arrive at Virgin Gorda. Now for the hike down to the beach.

Right for The Baths. Left for demon-infested bay. Hmm....

Caves mean we're almost there...

Almost there....

THERE! Woo-hoo!

Kate's celebrating.

Carisa's celebrating.

Celebrating!

Even I got in on the act.

Stupid McBeautiful.

Carisa agrees. We had a really early all-abroad, so we hot-footed back to the ship to the dulcet tones of Snow Dogs. We leave you with Andy's Safety Tip of the Day.

Always wear your mask. See you in New York!